Riders of the Purple Rage

Posted September 18, 2015


The Over the Hill Gang

That Masked Woman

Silver, the wonder mule

Her trusted companion, Tonto Gallon

Scout, the fastest mule in the West

The Doc, two thumbs O’Brian

The Banker, Skip Tracey

The Sheriff, stone hands Holsteen

Note: Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental

It was another hot day in Dry Gulch. Ten miles outside of town, in its hole in the wall hideout, the Over the Hill gang was plotting to rob the Dry Gulch City Bank.

“We need the money to pay off the sheriff, “ That Masked Woman said as she stroked the neck of her trusted Silver, the wonder mule. “ Besides the bank has all the money so let’s take it.”

The gang was silent for a moment when Deuces Wild Hoflund said: “Won’t the people get mad if we rob the bank and take their money?”

“Shucks Deuce, we need the money more than the bank to get That Masked Woman out of a jam, you know, the complaint she started to get even with the Dry Gulch Voters Union (DGVU),” said Boom Boom Tentrick.

“But don’t we have our money in the bank?” asked Deuces.

Tonto Gallon grunted: “Kemosabe, we gotta get even with that bunch for what they did to our leader, Attila, mayor of Dry Gulch.” Other gang members nodded their heads in agreement as Sundance Salisberry stood up and practised his quick draw.

“Relax comrades,” That Masked Woman said, “we have that part covered, the Doc assures me that I won’t have to pay for my accusation that the DGVU played dirty in the last election.”

“So, why are we robbing the bank, Masked Woman?” Said Fingers Jimmy G, the gang’s piano player and songwriter. He muttered under his breath, “If they’d hum a few bars I’d pick it up from there.”

“Because we can, stupid,” That Masked Woman replied with authority. “Because we can.”

A year later, most folks had left Dry Gulch for a place called Las Vegas.

Silver the wonder mule was left to forage for food and water. Scout became the fastest mule in the West, becoming known as getaway Scout.

The Dry Gulch City Bank burned down because One-eyed Skip Tracey destroying the records, let it get out of hand.

The railroad never came and the sheriff took off with Boom Boom.

Old timers, those who were left, watching the sage bush bolls skitter across the prairie asked: “Who was That Masked Woman?”





Filed under Between the Lines

4 responses to “Riders of the Purple Rage

  1. Glen N. Tolhurst

    I happened to be quaffing a beer (bought in PQ for a buck a can) whilst reading this and I ended up ROFLing so hard beer came out my nose.
    A literary masterpiece Gerry!
    BTW: ROFL means “Rolling On Floor Laughing” for those who might have more devious minds relating to hypocritical election audits.

    • Glen N. Tolhurst: It was an effort to burst the baloon of the self righteous who believe they are smarter, faster and right. Pity them for they know not what they have done.

  2. Dennis W J Galon

    Gerry, I agree with Glen, this was indeed very funny. I want more. You got the ball rolling, set the scene and then kinda petered out. Sort of like coitus interruptus. How about a second act?

    — Tonto Gallon

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